Why NOT to Teach English in Japan

I was assigned to seven schools in the middle of nowhere, 40 minutes up in the mountains, barely on the map. Five elementary schools and two junior highs, one of which had only 31 students total. It was a very unique and rural experience. Every day started with running around a wheat field for exercise, and my lessons often focused on agriculture, like teaching kids words such as 'tractor.' I even learned how to plant rice from the kids. It was the most memorable and exceptional time in Japan I've ever had, both good and bad, as I got to be an ambassador for American culture in a place where people rarely met foreigners.

I took a job at an English conversation school inside an Ito Yokado mall in Joetsu, fronting as the only international teacher. My boss was legitimately insane, had domestic issues, and gambled away all the upfront money from students' point purchases on pachinko. I was sometimes paid late, and the curriculum, written by his brother, was nonsensical, featuring dialogues like 'Do you have a banana? I'm hungry' or 'I have a shoe on my head.' I knew it wouldn't last, and after about a year, I left because the company was losing money, and my visa renewal was being delayed.

I found a job at an eikaiwa in Tokyo that was predicated on teaching English through drama, which seemed perfect given my acting major. However, it quickly became the worst job I'd ever had. One class, 'Joyland,' was a four-hour session for two-year-olds, which was extremely hard to keep them entertained. I had to sing ridiculous songs like the 'yum yum song' with exaggerated gestures. In one class, a nine-month pregnant woman insisted on taking the class, believing her unborn baby could learn colors through my gestures and her feeling her tummy. In another class, while demonstrating the 'wiggy waggy jelly in the bowl' activity with a baby doll, a real baby pooped directly onto its dad's face, dripping from his nose, leading the dad to immediately leave the class. The schedules were brutal, often six days a week, and the energy required was immense. I felt miserable, gained weight, and was often broke, resorting to an 'egg and rice diet' for six weeks and even stealing toilet paper from a park.

After leaving the eikaiwa, I got hired at a private high school in Tokyo, offering significantly better pay and stability. I tricked the screening company by omitting my worst job from my resume, but luckily, the interviewer had written materials for that 'bad place' and passed me on because I had survived a year there. For five years, I taught the senior class, specifically actors, idols, and musicians. It was a very satisfying experience as I got to teach them Western acting styles and performative English, rather than just testing English.